Goodbye Gaelen

Well, Gaelen and I finally officially stopped dating. It's very sad, but it's remarkably friendly. That's about the best we could've hoped for, I think. She's really good at remaining friends with past partners, so I'm hoping that we can keep a friendship alive. I look forward to that, despite missing her terribly.

I think she'll probably start dating Ed pretty quickly. That's scary 'cause a rebound relationship is a bad way to start, plus I suspect he won't want her to see me. If so I'll honor that desire, though it'll break my heart to completely lose my friendship with her.

I have been wrestling with this situation for two weeks now. There's lots to say but none of it really needs to be said; I've worked through it with close friends, and with Gaelen. I'm really busy; big Kazum shows coming up over the next two weekends. So I'm mostly distracted from loneliness. Plus, the benefit of Gaelen not spending time at my place is that she's left no absence behind. I'm sure it's a lot more lonely for her, 'cause I was always at her place and now I'm not.

I'm really glad that we dated, and I'll always treasure the memories and the feelings that we created together. I hope that we can remain close.

I sure do miss her. But I've got lots to do, so I'm gonna go get started on some things. First, a new kitten - we lost Abu over the weekend and poor O'Malley is perishing miserably from loneliness. Me, too... I hate losing a pet.

So, I'm off to check out a 4-month-old kitten!

Gaelen & me: Dating

So, Gaelen and I have been pretty much 24-7 ever since then. Within a day or two she announced that she loved me... knocked my socks off. Here's why:

See, I wasn't Wookin' Po Nub (as Eddie Murphy says). I was interested in some light dating, preferably without nookie. And I was open to a committed relationship, but I wasn't about to go seeking one. That way lies madness. So when I discovered that Alex's hot little lesbian sister-roommate wanted me in her bed I was thrilled! She'd keep living her libidinous lifestyle, we'd be buddies, and there'd be excellent benefits. Pretty much perfect.

And then she falls for me, and informs me that she's very monogamous when she's in a relationship. That puts me at huge risk of falling for her. That doesn't sound like a terrifying thing. But it is, 'cause she's firmly agnostic and I've got a solid testimony of the LDS gospel. That's not that big of a deal until we have a kid. And at that point it becomes pretty much insurmountable. She has every right in the world to raise her child to not believe in God. And I can't even imagine raising a child without the gospel being present in the child's life. So it's a hard stop unless one of us changes our core belief structure. That's so unlikely it's nearly worth describing as impossible. I suspect that Gaelen would describe it as impossible.

But until our path together hits the marriage-gate I think we've got a great shot at walking closely together. We're really wonderful together in every way, so far. Obviously, a week and a half ain't a whole lotta time. I suspect that there are age differences lurking below the breakers. I think that lifestyle differences could prove tough. But mostly I'm amazed at how much more prepared I am for a serious relationship, compared with prior to marrying Heather. I learned so amazingly much while married to her. I had to. I'm really grateful for that.

She called last night to talk about tomorrow's schedule with the boys. I asked her to make a few minor modifications in the schedule, which is one of her challenges; she "needs" to have things set and solid and under her control. But she handled it wonderfully and gracefully; she's either made some amazing improvements since the divorce, or our relationship was crippling her ability to function. Probably both. I'm so happy about that improvement in her (and my) life. And as I hung up with her I commented to Alex & Gaelen, "I love that woman. I'd totally divorce her again." In retrospect it sounded mean, but I didn't mean it that way. I meant that divorcing her let both of us make leaps in our own progress.

Nothing like going off about the ex-wife while posting about the new relationship. *guilty smile* Poor Gaelen. That girl has to deal with lots. Not only am I a big geeky dork but I pull crap like this all the time.

Okay, so back to journalling. I think it was the second night we spent together that Gaelen said that she loved me. It really knocked me for a loop. When I dated Karen we were both really careful to avoid falling in love. And that was super-smart. Neither of us was in a good place for that. She places the bulk of that unreadiness on me... and she's probably right.

This time, though... I am ready. Things might not work out (which is okay) but it won't be because I wasn't ready.

I returned Gaelen's love and she asked, "Are you sure?" It was a damn good question. I thought about it deeply for a while, prodding and poking at it logically as well as just feeling for the truth of it. And then I realized that of course I was. I was in a perfect place to fall deeply for her. We've both been amazingly direct and blunt and honest. I told her all my horrible past history stuff right away; she's very non-sensitive to most of that so it was pretty easy for her to hear. There just isn't much use in either of us concealing anything at all... though she's remarkably resistant to my communicating with anyone else in her life other than Alex. That actually scares me a bit. But we'll see how it turns out, as I start to meet her people. Unless I don't... and if that happens it'll eventually be a huge red flag.

Heh... the above comment should give us something to talk about. :)

But what really cinched my answer to "Are you sure" is that I realized not only did everything feel right... but I am a smart and sensitive guy who is attracted to Gaelen. Any such person would have to have something seriously wrong with them to not fall for her. Perhaps for the first time ever, the stuff that's seriously wrong with me isn't getting in the way.

I next asked her if she was my girlfriend. She replied, "Soon." She gave a few vague reasons, which was fine... I wasn't pushing; I was just wondering. We've since worked through those things and I officially asked her and she officially agreed. But for a short while I got to introduce her to every one as my girlfriend despite her immediate rebuttal. The best was when I introduced her to Kazum (minus Miranda) and some associated folk.

Scott proudly crows, "This is my girlfriend Gaelen!"
Gaelen curtly and clearly corrects, "I am not your girlfriend. Hello, nice to meet you."

It was awesome. :) But then a few days later we made it official so now I don't get to try to foist her off as my woman anymore, 'cause she actually is. And, that's better, so I'll cope somehow.

We look deeply different, though... someone at work today described her as "fairy-Goth lesbian" which is super-descriptive. I'd describe myself (and Gaelen has backed me up on this) as "creepy old dork". I'm not actually creepy but I come through that way until you get to know me. I'm not actually a dork, either... ouch, that was almost painful to type. That's like me claiming not to be clever, or claiming to be a virgin, or claiming to have fashion sense.

I wrote a ton about my daily routine but I'm gonna post that in another blog entry.

Naia's party, Miranda

Nobody wants to read steamy details, I've decided. Well, people might, but that's too bad.

I do wanna catch up a bit, though.

There were two parties that night to go to. Uli was excited to go to Naia's Welcome Home party, and I was, too. But I was even more excited to go to Miranda's party. Miranda is the newest Kazumite. I should introduce her.

A few months ago, prior to Kazum becoming Zacless, we did a benefit show for the Sprockettes. Alex (son; 13) came along, 'cause he was living with me during the summer. We were greeted to a nude bike parade as we arrived, which was a surprise. The venue was awesome but the performance was a challenge for a few reasons. I had a lousy performance, nearly forgetting things constantly. We missed a Chinese Star (Kazum's name for the common cheer stunt called a DiamondHead) although we repeated it and nailed it. One of the girls got hurt, there was discomfort about some other stuff... all in all the girls had a miserable night. Zac and I didn't, though, and we've learned how to have a great time regardless of others.

Accordingly, we decided to set up our mats and do some freestyle stunting & acro & gymnastics. Zac was gonna do it anyway and he's stupid-crazy if not reigned in. So it was purelyin the interests of safety that I joined him. Really.

As we were hanging around resting after the show, I noticed a cute little redheaded girl who epitomizes "attractive" in a girl (for me). I pointed her out to Melissa and mouthed "My Type!"

A few minutes later the hot little redhead and her date paused as they walked past. She started talking to me, obviously really excited about the show and impressed and stuff. Flushed with confidence, and trusting that she was with some dude, I jabbered at her happily rather than pulling my customary duck & cover routine when meeting a pretty girl. She'd competed in double-stunting in college and she was jonesing to get back into it. I invited her to stick around and stunt with Zac and I. She did! And that's how I met Miranda.

Uli & Melissa were really hesitant about this. But they gave me permission to not only stunt with her while the rest of Kazum was on their Chautauqua tour, but also to use the Egg. So, Alex and Miranda and Ben and I did so. Ben is a cool guy I met at Do-Jump.

Miranda asked if I wanted to enter the Mercury Talent Show with her. I was totally down. Again, Uli and Melissa were not, but they didn't forbid it, either. So Miranda and I tried out. The tryout was pretty disastrous, though. :( And afterward Miranda sorta dropped out of touch... until I suggested that Uli call her when we discovered that Melissa was gonna be a mama. Uli & Miranda hit it off immediately, as I'd hoped they would, and Miranda's been an absolutely amazing addition to the group.

Anyway, Miranda was having a party that I really wanted to go to after Naia's Welcome Home bash. Gaelen had sent me the Sure Thing text message, and I was excited to spend time at the party with her and Alex. I also brought Jed, Aaron and Zane. Jed drove and we'd planned for him to drive back home with Aaron & Zane, while I hung out with Gaelen & Alex.

The party was much fun. Alex hit it off with Creature Nick & Cherise, which I figured would happen despite the initial black mark Alex got by being introduced by me. Nick & Cherry are awesome and they treat me great but they can't stand me. We're more or less the epitome of opposites in too many ways. :) And that's why it's really cool that we get along well.

It was great to see Naia, too. I love that girl.

Zane was a little obnoxious. He's going through some kind of young adult midlife crisis that's semi-baffling and quite annoying. I like him and I want to support him but he's just really tough to be around. And drinking makes that even worse.

Uli wanted to stay at the party well into the night, and then she wanted to go home. That's what nights with Uli are often like... it drives Aspen crazy sometimes. :) This time we were her ride, so we were all required to leave and take her home instead of going to Miranda's party. By then it was pretty darn late, anyway, so it wasn't a huge issue... but I'm still really bummed that I couldn't go to Miranda's shindig.

As we left, Gaelen informed us that Zane had spouted forth some cryptic stuff and then walked off into the night. Aaron went looking for him without any luck. Suddenly I had to either abandon my date and go hunting for crisis-boy, or put Aaron and Jed in charge of finding him. I chose the latter, with Jed's assurances that he was fine with that. So off they went looking for Zane the Distraught. Alex was having fun so he stayed at Naia's place. The rest of us took Uli home and then I went to Gaelen's place with her.

Jed & Aaron found Zane, who refused to be fetched. So Aaron had to abandon Jed and babysit Zane. That sucked; Jed had to drive home alone and illegally. He got lost twice, but he called and I walked him back to the route home.

And that was the end of the party portion of the evening! I was gonna post a blog about me & Gaelen but that's just not something that anyone wants to know about. Or if they do, they should be ashamed of themselves. Suffice it to say that Gaelen attacked me and we spent one of the most glorious nights of my life, together.

Yum.