SCI at Hornings - Thursday

I first found Horning's Hideout when I was married to Heather, and 'Topher was an infant, about 10 years ago. There was a Father & Sons' campout and I took Jed & Alex. We sang & played guitar and had a wonderful time, and I fell in love with Horning's. We go a few times each year, and we've continued doing so even after Heather & I divorced.

I remember when they built the stage. I wasn't a performer yet, but not long after I became one. I've wanted to perform on that stage since it was just framework. I still do, come to think of it, though we did get to at least perform in front of it.

When I heard about the Horning's gig I was thrilled. But we were already scheduled for Sand by the Ton in CA with Wanderlust. :( Then SbtT canceled, and we confirmed the SCI gig, yay! A day or two later SbtT reaffirmed, but by then we were committed. I'm very sad to miss SbtT, but Horning's was astounding and I can't claim any regrets that things worked out this way.

Dawn and I came up on Thursday. I was stressin' because we couldn't get there until noon, and that's when Kazum was supposed to meet for ambient stunting. It turns out that everyone but Ari was held up by traffic. I saw him leaving as we rolled up. :(

Dawn's camp was way out past a rickety footbridge. The Kazum camp was in the Production area, up atop the hill behind the Hornings' house. We were almost never there - it stored our clothes & gear, and a few folks slept there. I didn't, though - I was at Dawn's camp during the nights.

We stopped by the Woodcut Stage, or whatever it's called. It's a huge inflatable stage in black & white, with black & red spinal columns. It also had a huge spiky urchin-looking thing that brought the ceiling height from 25' down to 10' - totally inadequate for Kazum routines. We started planning the rechoreography to move the whole routine to one side. But Eric the supercool stage manager offered to get the huge spiky thing taken down. Blessings on him - it gave us a clear stage for our show the next afternoon.

We also went to a meeting with Lisa of Lucent Dossier, and got our costumes for Saturday's show. They were single-piece spandex bodysuits. White for Uli & Miranda & Clover, black for Dutch & I. A zipper in the back, and no apertures. We cut eye-holes and feet and hands.

The other Kazumites bolted back to Portland on the first night. I was frustrated about that, but it turned out to be okay. We provided all kinds of ambient stunting over the weekend - I feel good about what we delivered. Dawn really stepped up - she was my stunt partner for at least half of the ambient stunting.

So, on Day One it was Dawn and I out wandering and stunting. I was in her fuzzy black & white leapordskin coat, and the Patchwork Vest costume. She was all purtied up in costume, too. People were mostly dazzled by the stunting, though a few seemed to feel like we were showing off. That bugs me, but we were paid to stunt, so it felt way less like showing off than it usually does.

We had a wonderful evening wandering and stunting. I missed my Kazum folk, but it was a great Dawn & Scott night. We wandered back to her opulent camp and crashed around dawn. She parties with the wealthy Burner-folk who party hard across several generations. It's pretty impressive - I've only known 1st and 2nd generation partiers before, and most of 'em weren't very wealthy. Dawn's friends put on high-quality fun.

Gaelen & me: Dating

So, Gaelen and I have been pretty much 24-7 ever since then. Within a day or two she announced that she loved me... knocked my socks off. Here's why:

See, I wasn't Wookin' Po Nub (as Eddie Murphy says). I was interested in some light dating, preferably without nookie. And I was open to a committed relationship, but I wasn't about to go seeking one. That way lies madness. So when I discovered that Alex's hot little lesbian sister-roommate wanted me in her bed I was thrilled! She'd keep living her libidinous lifestyle, we'd be buddies, and there'd be excellent benefits. Pretty much perfect.

And then she falls for me, and informs me that she's very monogamous when she's in a relationship. That puts me at huge risk of falling for her. That doesn't sound like a terrifying thing. But it is, 'cause she's firmly agnostic and I've got a solid testimony of the LDS gospel. That's not that big of a deal until we have a kid. And at that point it becomes pretty much insurmountable. She has every right in the world to raise her child to not believe in God. And I can't even imagine raising a child without the gospel being present in the child's life. So it's a hard stop unless one of us changes our core belief structure. That's so unlikely it's nearly worth describing as impossible. I suspect that Gaelen would describe it as impossible.

But until our path together hits the marriage-gate I think we've got a great shot at walking closely together. We're really wonderful together in every way, so far. Obviously, a week and a half ain't a whole lotta time. I suspect that there are age differences lurking below the breakers. I think that lifestyle differences could prove tough. But mostly I'm amazed at how much more prepared I am for a serious relationship, compared with prior to marrying Heather. I learned so amazingly much while married to her. I had to. I'm really grateful for that.

She called last night to talk about tomorrow's schedule with the boys. I asked her to make a few minor modifications in the schedule, which is one of her challenges; she "needs" to have things set and solid and under her control. But she handled it wonderfully and gracefully; she's either made some amazing improvements since the divorce, or our relationship was crippling her ability to function. Probably both. I'm so happy about that improvement in her (and my) life. And as I hung up with her I commented to Alex & Gaelen, "I love that woman. I'd totally divorce her again." In retrospect it sounded mean, but I didn't mean it that way. I meant that divorcing her let both of us make leaps in our own progress.

Nothing like going off about the ex-wife while posting about the new relationship. *guilty smile* Poor Gaelen. That girl has to deal with lots. Not only am I a big geeky dork but I pull crap like this all the time.

Okay, so back to journalling. I think it was the second night we spent together that Gaelen said that she loved me. It really knocked me for a loop. When I dated Karen we were both really careful to avoid falling in love. And that was super-smart. Neither of us was in a good place for that. She places the bulk of that unreadiness on me... and she's probably right.

This time, though... I am ready. Things might not work out (which is okay) but it won't be because I wasn't ready.

I returned Gaelen's love and she asked, "Are you sure?" It was a damn good question. I thought about it deeply for a while, prodding and poking at it logically as well as just feeling for the truth of it. And then I realized that of course I was. I was in a perfect place to fall deeply for her. We've both been amazingly direct and blunt and honest. I told her all my horrible past history stuff right away; she's very non-sensitive to most of that so it was pretty easy for her to hear. There just isn't much use in either of us concealing anything at all... though she's remarkably resistant to my communicating with anyone else in her life other than Alex. That actually scares me a bit. But we'll see how it turns out, as I start to meet her people. Unless I don't... and if that happens it'll eventually be a huge red flag.

Heh... the above comment should give us something to talk about. :)

But what really cinched my answer to "Are you sure" is that I realized not only did everything feel right... but I am a smart and sensitive guy who is attracted to Gaelen. Any such person would have to have something seriously wrong with them to not fall for her. Perhaps for the first time ever, the stuff that's seriously wrong with me isn't getting in the way.

I next asked her if she was my girlfriend. She replied, "Soon." She gave a few vague reasons, which was fine... I wasn't pushing; I was just wondering. We've since worked through those things and I officially asked her and she officially agreed. But for a short while I got to introduce her to every one as my girlfriend despite her immediate rebuttal. The best was when I introduced her to Kazum (minus Miranda) and some associated folk.

Scott proudly crows, "This is my girlfriend Gaelen!"
Gaelen curtly and clearly corrects, "I am not your girlfriend. Hello, nice to meet you."

It was awesome. :) But then a few days later we made it official so now I don't get to try to foist her off as my woman anymore, 'cause she actually is. And, that's better, so I'll cope somehow.

We look deeply different, though... someone at work today described her as "fairy-Goth lesbian" which is super-descriptive. I'd describe myself (and Gaelen has backed me up on this) as "creepy old dork". I'm not actually creepy but I come through that way until you get to know me. I'm not actually a dork, either... ouch, that was almost painful to type. That's like me claiming not to be clever, or claiming to be a virgin, or claiming to have fashion sense.

I wrote a ton about my daily routine but I'm gonna post that in another blog entry.