Monday Funday - Stuntfest in the park

Dutch is one of the new Kazum dudes. 250 lbs, played football, wears spandex or nothing, a really great fellow. He brings wonderful things to the group, and what's more, I really like the guy.

He is a Zoobomber, and a tallbike rider. He's bigtime into the bike scene in Portland, and he's in all the cool circles. On Monday after the Sunday Zoobomb, they have Monday Funday in the park.

I went a few weeks ago, but I didn't know anybody there to stunt with. The point of Monday Funday is technically kickball and dodgeball, but way more people show up than just the players. It's a riot. A whole new crowd.

Well, just this Monday I went again, but this time I brought my own fliers - Adrienne and Io, as well as Aaron. Dutch showed up, too, and I pounced on Steve of the Bellini Twins and made him stunt like crazy with us.

It started out with me & Adrienne & Aaron. We did some basic stuff, then practiced cradling a Chair. We did some barrel rolls, backflip out of cradle, easy stuff like that, too. Adrienne is so awesome to stunt with! Plus I can hug and hold her (which I do with lots of girls) and go ahead and let myself be aware that she's a girl (which I never do with any of the girls I spend time with). And her stuntery is superb - she takes guidance really well and she internalizes it immediately. I only ever have to tell her something once... if she fails to do it in the future she knows it immediately and she auto-corrects. That's an excellent trait in a flyer and in a lover. Best girlfriend ever!

Except that she keeps dumping me. :)

On Monday she let me know that she's closing up her main relationship, meaning I'm left out in the cold. Fate, why dost thou kick me repeatedly in the junk? *self-indulgent sigh*

It's actually pretty damn cool. At some point she'll be available again, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It also does wonders for desire. Plus we get to have the off-limits sexual tension with the virtually ironclad agreement that the limits will someday open back up. In the mean-time, we can stunt and hang out and be pals with just a little extra, but no drama or emotional baggage going on. Pretty much perfect, other than the lack of action that I've been perfecting for a long while now.

She brought Zeke, and he was thrilled to chase a tennis ball for a long time. I like that dog. I think we have an understanding.

Back to Funday.

The stunting was great! I also worked with Aaron on tuck-drills, and spotted his first 3 standing tucks. He'll be nailing them without trouble by the weekend, I guarantee it. I teach tucks really well. *modest smile*

As people noticed us absorbing passers-by into stunting, they began to hover near the action. It was a trip. I'd look around and see a semicircle of bright-eyed faces, eager to fly. I'd assign flyers to bases on the basis of weight and later (after seeing them stunt) skill. Aaron got the lighter girls and Dutch & I worked with taller people and less experienced flyers. There was a wide range of physical experience, with the girls who were tighter being able to fly Extensions - not too shabby for Practice #1. I based sooo many Angels and quite a few Flags. It was a hoot.

I'm pretty sure that all of the girls could tell that I'm not lecherous. I worry about that; when a 37-year-old shaggy-headed dork is lifting scrumptious 18-25-year-old girls, it would be foolish not to be a little nervous about his motivations. Mine are pure: I wanna stunt.

Aaron (curse his soul) tells me that he's pretty sure some of them wouldn't mind going home with me. I hate him. Why say such things? To torment me, that's why. Aspen's way cooler than Aaron.

Aaron also described the situation as, "Scott, you were surrounded by girls with that Space Cadet Glow." Aw... I make people feel like they've just ridden a roller-coaster. I love that! I love lighting up someone's face and sharing the amazement of doing fantastic stunts. I have the best hobby ever.

Adrienne had fun. I was impressed that she can show up & dump me and still be the best girlfriend ever. That's tough to accomplish. She had to take off at around 10... she had just barely enough time to come stunt, shatter my eager dreams for the near future, console me like a good pal, and then bolt. I'm so glad she came! I can't wait to stunt with her s'more. And I hope that her relationship with her main squeeze goes swimmingly, partially so that she can be a little more free with herself and share s'more. *dreamy smile*

I met tons of people and did tons of stunts, for about 4 hours. Then the cops rolled through 'cause it was 10:00 and the park was off-limits for funnery. We all relocated to Pirate Island, a jutting slab of stone on the east bank of the Willammette. It is a beautifully picturesque place, especially with a bonfire and 30 or so people, with the river and downtown Portland lighting up the horizon. Amazing.

There were a few crates to throw into the bonfire, and people were walking across them as they burned and crumbled. Stupid, but impressive and fun! When a new crate went on and it was only barely starting to burn I pulled one of my two best flyers up - either Emily or Jackie, I can't remember which. I'm pretty sure it was Jackie. She wasn't about to do an Angel on a burning crate until I sat there quietly and let it sink in just how cool that would be. Then she committed, stayed tight, and we did it. Very cool. I love flyers with that kind of trust right off the bat.

I also noticed a gorgeous little tiny girl watching the stunting, but I was busy plus she is pretty enough to be seriously intimidating, so I didn't introduce myself. But after a few beers and smoking I jabbered at her for quite some time as she sat by the bonfire. Her name is Charlotte and she's one of those girls who stops traffic with her body and her face. She knows it and she uses it, but that's fine. I ain't trying to date her. She's 19. I just wanna stunt with her. I got her number but she's not responded to calls or messages so I'll see if she really wants to learn on this upcoming Monday Funday.

I'm also really excited to work with various other girls from that crowd, including Sarah (Dutch's super-cool heart-throb ladyfriend) and Jackie and Emily, the two small blonde girls. I was talking with Jackie and mis-remembered something that Emily had said. Jackie gave me a "hey dumbass look into my eyes" face and said, "I'm the other little blonde." Rocked me back and cracked me the hell up. She's saucy, Jackie is. She's an English Literature graduate and I think she's eager to do lots of stunting as a hobby. Emily is also eager to stunt, as is Sarah. I'm excited to pick up some regulars!

At around 1 or 2, Aaron & Matt & Sarah & Dutch and I all hoofed it back to Dutch's place. It was a great night.

But I couldn't sleep; my calves and long leg muscles were cramping up like crazy. I thought I was gonna scream a few times. Damn.

I wish I had some pictures. Others took some; I know that the burning crate stunt was on film.

I'm really looking forward to the upcoming Funday. :)

Dilema: Hookin' up

Hard on the heels of my last blog rant, I find myself conflicted. It's how I usually find myself, so at least there's consistency to reassure me.

I'm in a tempting position. I'm an acrobat in a circus who performs frequently in makeup and costume that make me look all hot and non-dorky. I'm in excellent shape for anyone, and for a 37-year-old father of five I'm in incredible physical condition. Ugh, how arrogant... sorry, I'm trying to be accurate, not egotistical. *sigh* Any dude who reads this cannot help but hate me.

Anyway, I look younger than I am when I'm made-up. Plus I dye my hair and I'm in shape and I'm often costumed. I'm positioned to pick up a whole lot of gorgeous women as a result of all this. Gorgeous women frequently show an interest in me, and only years of dedicated practice have maintained my inability to be romantically aggressive.

Per my previous rant, I am dedicated to not indulging in this parade of female flesh, simply 'cause that's what it is: flesh.

But, here's my newest challenge: flesh is attached to people, and I dig people. I dig people a lot. I like meeting and getting to know new people. It happens frequently, among both genders, which I am egotistical enough to take as high praise. <18 names redacted> and surely more I'm not recalling from the last year or two.

Only two or three of those involved romance. One way to read that is that romance isn't a big factor in bonding to people.

Another way to read that is that I've not had much romance in the last two years. :)

Alex bonds strongly with a lot of people. He's remarked that his bonds typically fade quickly, too... though his bonds with Uli and I are designated not to do so. That means the world to me, by the way... thank you, Alex.

So do his bonds fade because they're romantic? More scientifically... do those bonds fade because libidinous bonding is less potent?

Anyway, it makes me wonder how much closer I'd be to I would be if I weren't such a prude.

Interesting tact for self-indulgent rationalization to take, eh? *sigh*

I'm wondering if my sexual hesitance isn't outdated. I know that I believe religiously it's wrong, but that isn't really my motivation for abstaining. I mean, I'm not abstaining from virtually anything at all for religious reasons while I'm Funseeking, so why would celibacy mean any more than it did when I was 17?

It's more because I've seen so much lust passed off as okay, that I'm concerned. And given my past, that's a pretty damn fair red flag.

So on Thursday night Aspen handed me a gorgeous, nubile fire dancer who's my age, and I leapt at the opportunity. Now I feel a tad ecstatic, a tad disgusted with myself, and a tad justified. I mean, for reals, this lady is hot and she really dug me as a dude well before she dug me as a lover.

That's a whole 'nother issue, though. My concern right now is that Thursday's damsel has birthed ... or perhaps simply unearthed ... the whole "why not be like Alex" temptation. I could smile and flirt (quietly; it's bad when I talk too much) and pick up all manner of delightsome womenfolk. One of them could adjust from Miss Right Now into Miss (Actual) Right. I mean, right? *sigh*

Again with the self-indulgent rationalization red flags.

If only there were such a thing as an unbiased outside opinion. But perhaps the internet could provide the facade of one. Hm.

Anyone who wants to should invite (and provide, of course) feedback into this odd version of a mid-life crisis. An anti-crisis, perhaps?... Hm. Smacks of O'bama. ;)

To flirt or not to flirt? That is the question here.

Rant: Hookin' up

The sweet irony of The Game. Hunting a potential partner, making clever social feints and dodges, balancing political affiliations and potential rivals... ah, what not fun for me.

I don't wanna play The Game. I don't like it and I never have. Even when I played it (back in High School, prior to microwaves, cell phones, school buses, the internet, cars, telephones, and the wheel) I didn't much like it. I've always played The Game best when I know I've got a great hand. IE, when the lady I'm interested in has made her reciprocal interest clear. Then I enjoy flirting and romancing and the excitement and anticipation of that first kiss and that first intimate experience.

But The Hunt... that part sucks. I don't wanna play that game anymore. So, I don't. And a direct consequence of that is that I don't hook up. While that's whine-worthy, it's not quite enough for a rant.

Then what is, the annoyed reader of my long-winded typistry might ask? Ah, if they happen to ask, they'll have to demonstrate a little more patience, for words are not something I cleave through lightly. I sprinkle them liberally and literarily (not 100% sure that's a for-reals word), hither and yon, like dancing and sparkling fairies de la noche.

Allow me to digress. Last Saturday night Kazum did two shows. Miranda was sick, so instead of the Lion Tamer it was just me & Uli doing All About Love. Still, it went smashingly. Lots of people telling us how cool it was... same old sunshine being slung. Appreciated and very heart-warming, absolutely! But afterward I found that the usually-intrusive afterparty was being sly and coy, unlike it's typical brazen self.

I found myself with several options. There was a huge drunken afterparty at the home of Nanda (participators in the Raunch show hosted by Splenduh the Unicorn. My buddy Matt was hanging out with his brand-new girlfriend that I've never met, and I was hoping to join forces with them in a wild night of funnery. Emily invited me to her barbeque (and Emily's parties are legendary). I had 2 or 3 other offers that looked way fun, as well.

But I ended up (predictably) hanging out with Anne. I have an enormous, mind-numbing crush on Anne. We're very good friends and a few weeks ago we spent the night together (no sex, just cuddling and kissy stuff). But the next night she met someone else, and she's been with him ever since. It's cool, and we hang out all the time, and I pine. It's my lot in life.

Anyway, I was with Anne and her ubercool sister Maria. Maria is my age, divorced, with 2 kids. I keep inviting her to join iHeart but she says, "Sounds like a hookup place. I don't need something like that." I try to explain that yeah, there are plenty here who are looking to hook up, but there are also a great many people here who ain't. But she remains unbudged. Anyway, Maria's way cool, just like Anne. They had 4 breathtaking girlfriends with them, which was a touch uncomfortable 'cause I don't know any of them. But, I was all spangled up in my performance costume and makeup, so I was okay. It's a huge facade that I get to hide behind during & after shows, before I have to put my Scott face back on and be the fairly boring & socially akward dork that is my secret identity.

I dig hanging out with people when I'm all spangly. They spend lots of time & effort on their clothes & makeup, and I just throw on a costume and some quick eyeliner and *pow* I look all special. Then I typically do flips, handstands, rolls, and lifts with anyone I can talk into climbing onto me. I was doing handstands at Ron Tom's, on East Burnside. Anne is a great wingman, since we both know her lips are off-limits to me until she's single again. So, she was trying to hook me up with one of the 4 gorgeous ladies. She went for the direct approach, with, "Scott, there are 6 beautiful women here who would love to talk with you... stand right-side up and come sit down." Caught me off guard, made me all shy & blushy. Then the bartender came over. I was expecting "You can't do handstands in the bar, drunk guy." Instead, he delivered, "Can you drink a beer upside-down?" It was a fascinating question that I've often pondered, but never answered. He and I answered it together. It was quite an experience.

So, eventually 3 of the 4 hot friends wandered off 'cause their night was ending. Melinda (I think) stayed; she's Maria's close friend. Those two went to a nearby Latin dance place while Anne and I hung out at the bar. Anne had been hitting on a (different) bartender. See, her lips are off limits to me but she is all about a quick fling with someone who's not someone she knows well. *sigh* That's good, but it still chafes like a 3-inch burr under my saddle blanket.

Anyway, while she dazzled the bartender a beautiful Asian lady came up to me and said, "I love your jacket!" My performance jacket that night was a sleeveless patchwork affair. (It's this jacket without Russ & Daniel beneath me.) I was delighted at the random friendliness from a stranger, and I began jabbering happily. She kept putting her hand on my arm and shoulder, and I realized that she might be hitting on me. When she broke away for a moment to talk to her friends I checked in with Anne - "Is she being friendly or hitting on me." Anne gave me a look that spoke reams. I can best summarize it as, "You really are retarded, aren't you? The whole 'does she like me thing' is for real, isn't it? You honestly can't tell. A woman could suck on your neck and whisper dirty suggestions in your ear and you'd wonder whether she was interested in you." But all she said in that precious half-second of communicatory time was, "Hitting on." But her eyes... oh, they spoke volumes.

I realized then what the topic of this rant actually is. (See, we got there!) I don't wanna hook up with random strangers. Beautiful Asian lady wasn't interested in Scott the single father dorky gamer poetry-spouting guitar-playing cat-owning advice-giving spammily-typing social Frankenstein's Monster. She was looking for shoulders, seductive eyes, a strong build, and male sex parts. The same things (gender-switched) that I'd be looking for if I were trying to hook up. But I don't want to rub body parts together to create mutually pleasurable friction. I want to connect and share emotion & intimacy & affection... and how in the world can you do that with someone you know virtually nothing about? She barely knew my name.

During another lull in the flirtation (she was flirting; I was just trying to stay afloat) I signalled to Anne with a thumb-across the windpipe motion. In mid-sentance Anne stopped getting chica's cell number and very politely excused us to go join Maria & Melinda. It was eerie how good Anne is... super-wingman. If only she wasn't the one I actually want to kiss. *irony-filled sigh of melodramatic melancholy* But honestly, it's very cool... Anne and I get to be very best friends and the no-sex thing keeps that viable. I like to hope that we'd survive romance... but I know for damn sure that we can survive friendship, most likely forever. So if it involves lip separation, I'm actually on board.

I'm just wistful.

Anyway, that's my rant: hooking up. Trying to bed a person who has as many desireable traits as possible. Boobs, butt, smile, eyes, etc. I'm so glad that I'm not caught up in that. As a performer, it'd be easy to be caught up in and if I were even remotely aggressive I'd have a dizzying array of nubile bodies to choose from. Oi, what a shallow and crass existence for me. I've seen others live it and it terrifies me.

Hm. 'Cept Alex. But he does it magically, in ways that real dudes cannot, so he doesn't count.

So... kudos to me for not hooking up with Asian hottie who wanted in my pants. Kudos to Anne for supporting the hookup and switching tactics midstream when I called her off. Kudos to Asian hottie for her exquisite taste in sleeveless dudes to hit on. And kudos to you, Dear Reader, for finishing this egocentric and far too wordy blog post.

Rant: Performers who don't want criticism

So this is something that's always blown me away. Lots and lots of performers (and thereby lots of performing groups) want to hear how neat they are, but they are ridiculously uninterested in hearing any form of criticism.

I learned about performing arts from my theater & music professor at Utah State University. Prior to professing he was trained on Broadway as a vocalist and performance pianist. He put on all kinds of college & community theater projects when my mom was in college and I was between 15 and 18, and then when I was in college for a few years after that. He was an excellent director who always listened closely to audience feedback in order to identify the weak points of the show.

By contrast, it often feels like a great many of the performers I work with in Portland are highly resistant to any form of critical feedback. They don't seem to want to hear anything "bad". Even worse, they often believe wholeheartedly in the "good" stuff that's more or less mandatory response after a performance. "That was so awesome!" "Wow, that's amazing!" "You guys are so incredible!" That's all very much appreciated... but it tells next to nothing about was done well or what can be improved. Beyond that, it tempts the performer to believe their own pizazz... which leads to arrogant, underskilled performers who have glaring Johari windows in their routines that everyone else can clearly see but they're blind to.

So, I try to recruit critical feedback. Our producer/director team are pretty good about succinctly listing positive & negative aspects of each new routine we present in their shows. But I have to keep them secret; if the other Kazumites knew where I was getting my info they'd be upset at 'em. *boggle* I've not found too many other open critics, but I'm still looking. Problem is, nobody really believes that a performer honestly wants critical feedback, so nobody's willing to offer any.

Strike that... Leapin' Louie Lichtenstein and Tommy Twimble both gave me some constructive criticism after I asked them, during the Alice in Wonderland show. They suggested trying to involve the audience more, and create stronger connections across the boundary between stage and crowd. I really appreciated that, and tried to incorporate it into the routines.

But that's about it, other than past members. Past members of Kazum are generally awesome about providing critical feedback. But often, they provide stuff we're already aware of. Technical points, mostly: the High Chair wobbled, Uli looks terrified during the throws, timing was off on the Stripper Pole synchronization, that sort of thing. Stuff we are putting attention into already. That's useful... but the "uneducated" viewpoint is usually much more helpful.

The flipside of this is that when I see other performers, I invariably see a bjillion things that they could probably clean up or try or improve or cut. But nobody wants to hear that... they want the sunshine blown up the tailpipe. *sigh* I'm going to what promises to be an awesome amateur theater show, but I get the clear impression that the people in charge are spectacularly uninterested in any feedback I might have after their show. So, I'll join the line of smiling handshakers, give my (genuine) praise and compliments, swallow anything potentially critical, and watch as easy-to-fix problems join easy-to-create missing opportunities, both swirling away.

The show is Bogville. It's on Friday at Mount Tabor Theater. The webpage surely has a link to the theater, showtimes, tickets, etc... but it's all so cluttered that I can't find any links. I'd like to give feedback to that effect... but see the title of this post for why that doesn't pan out so well. :)

Anyway, I keep trying to recruit critical advice from people who see Kazum perform, but it's like pulling teeth with a spoon. People keep smiling fiercely and insisting with nearly-convincing vehemence that "your-show-is-perfect-omygosh-nothing-could-be-improved!" *grinding teeth* Why is it so hard for so many to believe that I honestly wanna hear what's wrong instead of being pacified about what's right?

Okay, done ranting. I highly recommend Bogville! Should be a helluva show!

Post-show addendum:
It was a helluva show. But they needed to communicate a few things clearly to the audience:

Backstory - What is Bogville, how big, why does it exist?
Who is who - Identity & role was very vague for all but a few characters
Plot - What the hell is going on?
Clarity - Both dialogue and lyrics were almost unintelligable. Even if this is the fault of the sound system, it still cripples the plot.

I'd suggest a handbill with a paragraph of backstory and a one-line blurb of each main character. Either that, or more of Jay's illuminating poetic dialogue, which contains most of the more clearly-enunciated words in the production.

The costumes, acting, and music were spectacular! A bit slow at times, perhaps even boring here and there, but that was part of the ambiance of the performance style.

Okay, done with the unheard soapboxing. :)