I have a crush!
It's been a while. Well, not since I had a crush. But since I had one that was returned. She even instigated it... nice.
I meet lots of single parents on iHeartSingleParents.com. I post voluminously there. No, really! I am an artist and spam is my medium. I create word-art. Not particularly good word-art, mind you. But it's certainly voluminous and that counts for something.
I've had several crushes but I stomp 'em out ruthlessly and none of 'em have ever felt returned. Mostly I just avoid women that I find attractive (not speaking about faces & bodies here) unless they live far away from Portland. That's a whole 'nother topic: Scott's avoidance of romance is deserving of many many words.
But a week or so back I met a single mom whose husband passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack, not too many months back. Hm, I worry that I'm giving the wrong impression here since the subject of this post reveals too much. I didn't horn in on the grieving widow in order to seduce her in her time of vulnerability. I ain't a Wedding Crasher kind of guy. I was just stricken by how sad and miserable the poor lady was, so I started chatting with her.
I've come to discover that beneath the confusion and grief lies a witty, funny, charming lady. That's cool; I figured she was in there and I hoped to meet her. Again, not with an eye for romance. I promised her right off the bat that I could respect her position and I wouldn't be trying to be romantic with her.
And then after a few online conversations she hits me outta the blue with a threat to come visit while she's visiting family in Seattle. I'm a little ticked off, in fact: I was the perfect gentleman and I structured the whole friendship around being pals without any romantic overtones. Who the heck is she to come toss that whole plan into the blender with nothing more than a "I'm conflicted and confused, sorry, but don't run away."
A messer-upper, that's who!
Anyway, she not only flirted with me, but then she made the outrageous accusation that I was responding in kind. I'm not one to take such things lying down, so I sat up and defended my honor. We're writing long emails each day. It's delightful. I can't even remember the giddy-happy feelings of having a crush returned and now it's sneaking up on me left and right. I have that secretive smile thing going on.
That's about it, really. I've touched relatively lightly on the "Scott can't pledge his love to anyone so keep that in mind" speech that is an undoubtedly dreadfully ineffective way to woo a damsel. She lives somewhere east of Kansas, so the risk factor of a poorly-advised romance is at least constrained to online pining. Well, other than the aforementioned upcoming potential foray into FaceToFaceLand. I can't believe I'm insinuating libidinous adventures to a nice mom of 2 who's still all torn up about her simply awesome husband's recent death. The Nice Guy club is gonna suspend my membership for sure. *sigh* I can walk lots of little old ladies across the street, though, and win my way back into their good graces.
The consideration of romance is not based in selfishiness, though. At least not entirely. I get the feeling that she wants to feel desired and feminine and ... I dunno. How much of this is just rationalization? Not that I am capable of such. *snort* Goodness, no!
Anyway, I do hope to hang out with her if she gets brave enough to drive down here from Seattle while she's visiting. I hope she brings her kids; I'm falling for them (via her descriptions) with way more relaxation than I'm falling for her. If she wants a kiss or a snuggle, awesome. If not, totally fine. I like her as a pal; that's where the deep value lies. Since she's from Far Away I can afford to indulge in some dreamy fantasies of more than pals; the risk of falling hard is remote. Besides, I'm way smarter and more experienced and healthier than I was when I last risked romance, so this time things will go differently. :)
Honestly, the last time I risked romance I knew full well that we'd fall and I was fine with that. In retrospect I'm extremely glad. My brief and wonderful relationship with Karen was awesome. We're still very close friends when the opportunity arises for that, and I regret almost nothing about dating her. Well, I regret nothing at all about dating her, but I do regret some of the choices I made while doing so.
And if scary new romance is in the cards, I'm not all that worried about it. I'd rather love and be hurt than keep my heart all carefully boxed up where it can't hurt or be hurt. Plus, honestly, I hardly know this poor ladyfriend at all and she hardly knows me, and the flirting isn't a big deal.
Hey, she's wealthy. Maybe she can afford to fly up for weekends now & then. Ooh, and buy me expensive stuff. Fund a trip to Disneyland. All kinds of good stuff. I hadn't even considered the Sugar Mama aspect until just now.
Ugh, just got a phone call from the Nice Guy club. They're sending a Chastisement Officer over right now. I'd better go practice my humble smile.
I meet lots of single parents on iHeartSingleParents.com. I post voluminously there. No, really! I am an artist and spam is my medium. I create word-art. Not particularly good word-art, mind you. But it's certainly voluminous and that counts for something.
I've had several crushes but I stomp 'em out ruthlessly and none of 'em have ever felt returned. Mostly I just avoid women that I find attractive (not speaking about faces & bodies here) unless they live far away from Portland. That's a whole 'nother topic: Scott's avoidance of romance is deserving of many many words.
But a week or so back I met a single mom whose husband passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack, not too many months back. Hm, I worry that I'm giving the wrong impression here since the subject of this post reveals too much. I didn't horn in on the grieving widow in order to seduce her in her time of vulnerability. I ain't a Wedding Crasher kind of guy. I was just stricken by how sad and miserable the poor lady was, so I started chatting with her.
I've come to discover that beneath the confusion and grief lies a witty, funny, charming lady. That's cool; I figured she was in there and I hoped to meet her. Again, not with an eye for romance. I promised her right off the bat that I could respect her position and I wouldn't be trying to be romantic with her.
And then after a few online conversations she hits me outta the blue with a threat to come visit while she's visiting family in Seattle. I'm a little ticked off, in fact: I was the perfect gentleman and I structured the whole friendship around being pals without any romantic overtones. Who the heck is she to come toss that whole plan into the blender with nothing more than a "I'm conflicted and confused, sorry, but don't run away."
A messer-upper, that's who!
Anyway, she not only flirted with me, but then she made the outrageous accusation that I was responding in kind. I'm not one to take such things lying down, so I sat up and defended my honor. We're writing long emails each day. It's delightful. I can't even remember the giddy-happy feelings of having a crush returned and now it's sneaking up on me left and right. I have that secretive smile thing going on.
That's about it, really. I've touched relatively lightly on the "Scott can't pledge his love to anyone so keep that in mind" speech that is an undoubtedly dreadfully ineffective way to woo a damsel. She lives somewhere east of Kansas, so the risk factor of a poorly-advised romance is at least constrained to online pining. Well, other than the aforementioned upcoming potential foray into FaceToFaceLand. I can't believe I'm insinuating libidinous adventures to a nice mom of 2 who's still all torn up about her simply awesome husband's recent death. The Nice Guy club is gonna suspend my membership for sure. *sigh* I can walk lots of little old ladies across the street, though, and win my way back into their good graces.
The consideration of romance is not based in selfishiness, though. At least not entirely. I get the feeling that she wants to feel desired and feminine and ... I dunno. How much of this is just rationalization? Not that I am capable of such. *snort* Goodness, no!
Anyway, I do hope to hang out with her if she gets brave enough to drive down here from Seattle while she's visiting. I hope she brings her kids; I'm falling for them (via her descriptions) with way more relaxation than I'm falling for her. If she wants a kiss or a snuggle, awesome. If not, totally fine. I like her as a pal; that's where the deep value lies. Since she's from Far Away I can afford to indulge in some dreamy fantasies of more than pals; the risk of falling hard is remote. Besides, I'm way smarter and more experienced and healthier than I was when I last risked romance, so this time things will go differently. :)
Honestly, the last time I risked romance I knew full well that we'd fall and I was fine with that. In retrospect I'm extremely glad. My brief and wonderful relationship with Karen was awesome. We're still very close friends when the opportunity arises for that, and I regret almost nothing about dating her. Well, I regret nothing at all about dating her, but I do regret some of the choices I made while doing so.
And if scary new romance is in the cards, I'm not all that worried about it. I'd rather love and be hurt than keep my heart all carefully boxed up where it can't hurt or be hurt. Plus, honestly, I hardly know this poor ladyfriend at all and she hardly knows me, and the flirting isn't a big deal.
Hey, she's wealthy. Maybe she can afford to fly up for weekends now & then. Ooh, and buy me expensive stuff. Fund a trip to Disneyland. All kinds of good stuff. I hadn't even considered the Sugar Mama aspect until just now.
Ugh, just got a phone call from the Nice Guy club. They're sending a Chastisement Officer over right now. I'd better go practice my humble smile.
posted by Scott | 2:05 PM
1 Comments:
a one night stand can be a very nice thing to do for someone.
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