Kazum photo shoot w/ Andy Batt
Instead of practice yesterday we went to Andy Batt's studio and he shot bunches and bunches of pictures. It was great.
We've done a shoot with Andy before, when we were catering to silhouettes. This time we were costumed & made-up - Uli's makeup took over 3 hours. We're really excited about the pictures. I'll link up to some on my blog as soon as Andy puts some proofs up on the web.
Melissa came and helped us stay on track. She also gave us cues and feedback like, "Straighten your legs and point your toes" and "Arms up higher on the left." It was very useful 'cause the photographer is all wrapped up in shooting plus he doesn't know the stuff we do, and Melissa does.
It was great to see my hobbit. She's due in 2 months now and she's enormous (for Melissa). I held her in a cradle and I could certainly feel the ~30 lbs of extra weight. Keep in mind that Melissa is 90 lbs regularly, so 30 lbs is an increase of 1/3 her body weight.
We finally wrapped up at around 1:00 am. It was a long & gruelling shoot, but very enjoyable and exciting.
Today there were a bunch of complex adjustments waiting for me to make to the Invoice. *sigh* I like resolving tangles and I enjoy doing this stuff, but I'm kinda burned out on it. Yesterday was full of heavy intensity with Invoice stuff, too. I wanna put it to bed for another month.
Looking forward to my Benjaminions tonight. They'll wanna play games but I really want to do something active and more interdependant. Hm.
I responded to 2 iHeart posts today that triggered my sensitivities. One was a lady from IL who met a dude in CA and moved there to marry him. Almost immediately after getting pregant she divorced him and (here's the sensitive part) moved back to IL. So her son's growing up with minimal contact from his dad.
She got all kinds of kudos and support from iHeart folks, which is great! But I hate the way most online communities blow sunshine up the poster's arse. In an effort to be nice and friendly and supportive, people tend to reinforce the poster's viewpoint heavily, and support them in villainizing whomever they're venting about. I hate that dynamic. I think it sucks for people to hear nonstop "You did great and the other person is a shmuck." It makes me wonder how many kids don't see their parents because well-meaning folks who've only heard one side of a story posted a bunch of "good for you for moving!" posts. :(
The other post was similar. A guy with 2 kids in Colorado divorced his abusive wife, and moved to Oregon "to get away from her". Apparently she'd hound him ferociously if he stayed within easy parenting distance. *sigh* Methinks that's self-serving BS, personally. Even if it wasn't, though, the kids are more important and now they don't have a mother anymore 'cause dad felt entitled to put half a continent between them and their mother.
The purpose of his post was to ask for advice on fighting a custody battle across state lines. My advice to him was to stop fighting and move back to Colorado so that his kids can have 2 parents instead of 1. I doubt it'll be well received, but I do hope that it serves 2 purposes. #1, most importantly, I hope that it breaks through the "poor me she's so horrible she deserves whatever I do to her" thinking that utterly ignores the impact on the kids. #2, I hope that other readers might shake off the "everyone here is perfect but victimized" mentality that iHeart and nearly every other non-recovery-based forum subscribes to so heavily. That part ain't helping.
Okay, 'nuff blogging. Back to the Invoice.
We've done a shoot with Andy before, when we were catering to silhouettes. This time we were costumed & made-up - Uli's makeup took over 3 hours. We're really excited about the pictures. I'll link up to some on my blog as soon as Andy puts some proofs up on the web.
Melissa came and helped us stay on track. She also gave us cues and feedback like, "Straighten your legs and point your toes" and "Arms up higher on the left." It was very useful 'cause the photographer is all wrapped up in shooting plus he doesn't know the stuff we do, and Melissa does.
It was great to see my hobbit. She's due in 2 months now and she's enormous (for Melissa). I held her in a cradle and I could certainly feel the ~30 lbs of extra weight. Keep in mind that Melissa is 90 lbs regularly, so 30 lbs is an increase of 1/3 her body weight.
We finally wrapped up at around 1:00 am. It was a long & gruelling shoot, but very enjoyable and exciting.
Today there were a bunch of complex adjustments waiting for me to make to the Invoice. *sigh* I like resolving tangles and I enjoy doing this stuff, but I'm kinda burned out on it. Yesterday was full of heavy intensity with Invoice stuff, too. I wanna put it to bed for another month.
Looking forward to my Benjaminions tonight. They'll wanna play games but I really want to do something active and more interdependant. Hm.
I responded to 2 iHeart posts today that triggered my sensitivities. One was a lady from IL who met a dude in CA and moved there to marry him. Almost immediately after getting pregant she divorced him and (here's the sensitive part) moved back to IL. So her son's growing up with minimal contact from his dad.
She got all kinds of kudos and support from iHeart folks, which is great! But I hate the way most online communities blow sunshine up the poster's arse. In an effort to be nice and friendly and supportive, people tend to reinforce the poster's viewpoint heavily, and support them in villainizing whomever they're venting about. I hate that dynamic. I think it sucks for people to hear nonstop "You did great and the other person is a shmuck." It makes me wonder how many kids don't see their parents because well-meaning folks who've only heard one side of a story posted a bunch of "good for you for moving!" posts. :(
The other post was similar. A guy with 2 kids in Colorado divorced his abusive wife, and moved to Oregon "to get away from her". Apparently she'd hound him ferociously if he stayed within easy parenting distance. *sigh* Methinks that's self-serving BS, personally. Even if it wasn't, though, the kids are more important and now they don't have a mother anymore 'cause dad felt entitled to put half a continent between them and their mother.
The purpose of his post was to ask for advice on fighting a custody battle across state lines. My advice to him was to stop fighting and move back to Colorado so that his kids can have 2 parents instead of 1. I doubt it'll be well received, but I do hope that it serves 2 purposes. #1, most importantly, I hope that it breaks through the "poor me she's so horrible she deserves whatever I do to her" thinking that utterly ignores the impact on the kids. #2, I hope that other readers might shake off the "everyone here is perfect but victimized" mentality that iHeart and nearly every other non-recovery-based forum subscribes to so heavily. That part ain't helping.
Okay, 'nuff blogging. Back to the Invoice.
posted by Scott | 1:05 PM
7 Comments:
"A guy with 2 kids in Colorado divorced his abusive wife, and moved to Oregon "to get away from her".Hmm. I read this and can't help but speculate on what might have happened if my dad had done this. Overall, I'd say my life probably would have been better. So, good for him?
...
Except, of course you gave him the opposite advice. Whoops! Have you considered that your personal values regarding parenthood might not be relevant to his situation?
I didn't mean to sound sarcastic there, so I guess I could go back and edit it to something softer, but I'm not, so it looks like the first part of this sentence was a lie. Huh.
Ooh, good point!
I didn't get the impression from his writing that he was tremendously abused. He sounded more like he and she had conflicts and he was pulling the "she's abusive" card. It also sounds like she's neither psychotic nor dangerous to the kids. If she is then it's a different situation, for sure.
I'm hoping that the guy who posted will provide more information in response to the various posts he receives. If I was reading things wrong then I'll have different things to say to him, for sure.
I do occasionally realize that my personal values regarding other folks' situations aren't as relevant as they seem... but I don't realize it as often as I'd like. Your alternate perspective is useful for that! It's a reminder of how thinking tends toward becoming channeled and inflexible. It's also a reminder of viewpoints that are alien to me. Very cool reminders, both, and much appreciated. I plan to revisit the thread and try to give input that's less dependant upon my perspective. Thank you! :)
You...argue too little? I'm not sure how to respond to such an extravagantly conciliatory post.
Look, this is us:
Jem: Pawn to e4.
Scott: Whoa, good one! Okay, you got me; I resign.
Jem: ...
It's just unsatisfying, is all I'm saying. Times like this I wish you identified with a sports team I could gratuitously mock.
I strive more for discussion than argument, but I do tend to challenge and analyze things a lot, which is an argumentative trait for sure.
Punk.
The chess analogy is only useful if the discussion is assumed to center on competition. :) I'm not trying to win (especially not at chess, good heavens).
But if I was trying to win, I'd mop the floor with ya, fool. Not at chess, obviously, but at arguing.
;)
I'm a True Aggie, and my blood gets hot when the Aggies are taunted. You could always make fun of USU and see if it triggers any defensiveness or aggression!
Aggies suck! Ha, how do you like them apples.
In response to Jem...
My mother was/is an alchoholic, couldn't support herself let along her kids (though she is doing wonderfully now). She often told my sister and i that our father was trying to kill her, and many might say that my father did not need to give her any custody of us.
However my father thought it very important that we have our mother in our life, and I am so thankful for that.
So I'm not saying that your life wouldn't be better w/o your father, but that you can have a crazy parent, and still be better off with them than no parent at all.
The Kazum pictures were awesome! I loved them. You know the whole iHeart thing, many people are there just to feel justified in their current state of anger/resentment/rage or whatever. Keep posting your spammy answers... at least it is a different perspective. And kids do deserve a mom and a dad.
HAHAHA!!! You made a typo! Neener neener neener!!!
overpriveliged
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